I would have to say that third grade was a pretty exciting time in my life. I remember it pretty well. There was my teacher, Mrs. Kerstein, and her monetary system, Kerstein Cash. So basically we used to get this kind of monopoly-like money bills from her.
Well, needless to say I was loaded with this cash
and all of the girls wanted me.
We earn the money by turning in homework, getting to school on time, and doing a bunch of other miscellaneous activities, So she usually threw a couple bills here and there.
Another way we earned the money was by doing well in a game called “Around the World”, which was basically fancy talk for “Me having the ability to fuck up other kids through my extreme skill to recite the mathematic tables”. Yeah, it was solely two people against each other in the front of the class at a time, and the teacher shouts out two numbers, and whoever finds the product of the two numbers first, wins. The winner goes on to the next student, while the loser sits back down in his chair like the sorry disgrace he is.
I almost always got to the end, since everyone in the class was really dumb. The last person, for the person who gets to the end, has to face the teacher herself. I usually lost, but the teacher was fat anyways so it’s k.
There were major kerstein cash prizes for whoever made it to the end, so this was basically my revenue.
At the end of each semester, there would be a major auction, where the teacher would bring in fabulous toys and stuff for the kids to bid on. Everyone didn’t have as much money as I did, and since I was stacked with so much cash, I could basically buy everything without having to worry about anyone having to outbid me.
At the end of the year, my teacher set up the final auction. There were pretty nice prizes. Bouncy balls, hills upon hills of candy, books. But this fat Mexican kid who sat next to me had his eyes on this one retarded as fuck prize.
Cinnamon. omg why would you buy cinnamon when there are bouncy balls.
anyways, so the kid who sat next to me was like “Hey, can I have 100 dollars to bid on the cinnamon?”
and I was like “
Yeah sure man you seem to have come to this country on a floating door so I’ll give you a helping hand no”.
But that was before he pulled out this real legit $100 bill.
"Hey dude I’ll trade you this $100 if you give me your $100 kerstein money"
I was like “Wait, are you serious.” I was going to tell this punk that he could buy like 223748297 bags of fucking cinnamon with that money but of course I didn’t say that to this dumb mexican 8D
So we completed our transaction without anyone knowing and he bought his damn bag of cinnamon with the money, while I basically just got everything else.
Really? You think I’m that mean. Not letting anyone else spend their hard-earned kerstein cash on stuff? Of course I’m not THAT mean. I let them buy beautifully decorated bookmarks okay
So as the class finished up and I put everything in my backpack, the school year had almost ended, and I couldn’t wait to tell my parents that I made $100.
But of course, something bad always happens.
I go to the afterschool program my school had, where it was basically a bunch of high-school dropouts watching kids play their gameboys. ufgh
I have the $100 bill in my pocket, just getting so excited I couldn’t resist the urge to show someone. why am i so fucking dumb
I show one of the people who watch the program. Her name was Krystal. Of course I remember her. She was such a fatass bitch who had changed her name from “Anna”, to a whore name spelled with a “K”.
As I showed her the money, I was thinking to myself “oh dear god what have I done”, and I asked for the bill back, but she was like “You’re not supposed to be carrying this type of money around- blah blah I’m such a whore look at how my stomach protrudes in an odd fashion.”
A little later after questioning me, she took the money to the principal, and the mexican kid had his mom pick him up, and she retrieved the money from the office.
I was out $100.
I could’ve gotten a bag of cinnamon.